O.K. Alright. For a couple of moments I didn't really react or feel anything in particular, I mean I was surprised, but mostly by the fact that I didn't really care so much, it just didn't bother me. While my boss explained my severance contract I started to think;
"Summer's around the corner. I can go camping on the beach."
"Now I'll be free to attend the 8:45 yoga at the Y."
"Good thing I had the landline & Internet cancelled two months ago, that's $140 I saved."
"Great, I can apply for unemployment insurance! I hope that will be enough to cover the mortgage."
"Shit, their going to take the cellphone, car, and gas card I've been using for the last five years!"
"What a relief, I hate using a cellphone and driving all day long in that wasteland of Los Angeles traffic."
"What a relief, this job was going nowhere."
"What a relief, I can go back to school."
"What a relief, I can look for a better job."
"What a relief, maybe I can finally figure out my true purpose, and create a better life"
What a relief. And while I understand that this could be the beginning of the end for me financially, it is also the beginning of a needed correction.
I hated that job. On the days I was not scheduled to provide training for clients I basically had nothing definitive to do. My body was turning into mush. I sat at desk twiddling my metaphorical thumbs waiting waiting waiting completely uninterested and uninvested in the daily goal of The Company; making sales. Bottom lines and quarterly profits, and up selling, and cold calling, and a round of applause for the Champion Charlatan and somebody please take me out back and just fucking shoot me. Selling stuff everybody needs is just not for me. I just cannot get behind persuading people to give me money for a product or a service that are mandatory for survival or for compliance with regulations. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm not judging it or the people who do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure it is me who is the pitiful idiot or somehow unbalanced for not wanting some financial compensation for all the great things I have to offer. I have spent my entire life giving away the very things for which I could have probably charged very good money;
I hated that job. On the days I was not scheduled to provide training for clients I basically had nothing definitive to do. My body was turning into mush. I sat at desk twiddling my metaphorical thumbs waiting waiting waiting completely uninterested and uninvested in the daily goal of The Company; making sales. Bottom lines and quarterly profits, and up selling, and cold calling, and a round of applause for the Champion Charlatan and somebody please take me out back and just fucking shoot me. Selling stuff everybody needs is just not for me. I just cannot get behind persuading people to give me money for a product or a service that are mandatory for survival or for compliance with regulations. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm not judging it or the people who do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure it is me who is the pitiful idiot or somehow unbalanced for not wanting some financial compensation for all the great things I have to offer. I have spent my entire life giving away the very things for which I could have probably charged very good money;
Food.
Shelter.
Child care.
Medical care.
Labor.
Advice.
Transportation.
Photography.
Writing.
Editing.
Sex.
Cooking lessons.
I just gave it all away for free believing that is the right thing to do. Why just this past Sunday night at the downtown Music Center Plaza, I lent someone from the L.A. Foodie Meetup group borrow my corkscrew to open a wine bottle. I should of charged them $10 just for having the audacity to label themselves 'Foodies' and showing up so ill equipped! I mean really, Los Angeles Foodies and not a one of you remembers the corkscrew? That will cost you ten bucks, thank you very much.
Of course from the time I was 17, I had a paying job to subsidize my charitable giving. Now that the steady stream of a salary has dried out, now that the universe has emancipated me from the slavery of trading my time and intellect for $$$, will I, can I, continue to be the generous person I believe myself to be, or, as I inch towards the brink, will I prove to be a shitty little selfish troll after all? So the question is, now that the correction has been made, and I am no longer trapped in the routine of the job job job, will I create opportunity and grow into a spectacular success, or will I pathetically swirl around the porcelain bowl and slip down the drain?
Either way I am insisting on an amusing, if somewhat heartbreaking, adventure.
